There is a small group of Sword & Sorcery tales that involve a hero in a break & enter into a wizard’s domicile. This is always a tricky proposition and should not be attempted by the faint of heart. Wizards are quite zealous of their cribs and get rather cranky with felons. Not to mention the traps and guardians…
Robert E. Howard, of course, invented the idea with a couple of his Conan stories (Kull would never stoop to mere home invasion). REH never portrayed Conan as anything but a self-interested thief. Later writers would be less open about the illegality of their actions with better motives. Howard makes no bones about the fact that the law is unimportant and a person in his Hyborian Age makes their own justice.
“The Tower of the Elephant” (Weird Tales, March 1933) gave us one of the first towers that needed to scaled and broken into. Conan is a young thief, newly arrived in the civilized land of Zamoria. He partners up with Taurus the Nemedian, “Prince of Thieves” (No Kevin Costner never played him.) Together they plan to steal a rumored gem, the Heart of the Elephant, that is kept in the magician Yara’s tower. Taurus gets Conan past the guards and the lions but falls victim to the giant spider. The Cimmerian makes it all the way into the inner sanctum to find the elephantine Yag-kosha. Things don’t work out so good for Yara. This tale has Conan come to the wizard’s home by his own will. That is about to change.
“Rogues in the House” (Weird Tales, January 1934) saw a slightly older Cimmerian still at the thieving game. Despite this, he is arrested in an ale house and susceptible to Murilo’s designs. The aristocrat will free the barbarian if he will go to the house of the wizard Nabonidus and kill him. After dumping a prostitute into a cesspool for ratting him out to the cops, Conan enters the magician’s house to find Nabonidus in a quandary. The creature Thak, an intelligent ape species, that the wizard used as a guard, has taken over the house. It is up to Conan to kill the creature. Having done so, Nabonidus tries to betray him and Conan kills him with a stool while the wizard is spouting off.
The 1984 film Conan the Destroyer incorporated elements of this story (very poorly) when Conan goes to a wizard’s island in an honorable quest to resurrect his lost love, Valeria. He fights Thak in a hall of mirrors. Not much of the iconic fight scene or the famous Frank Frazetta painting remains except that crimson cloak. Very disappointing.
Clark Ashton Smith did his own version of the break & enter idea earlier in “The Tale of Satampra Zeiros” (Weird Tales, November 1931). Why don’t we think of this as a Clark Ashton Smith trope? As you will see, thievery is less of a factor than Mythos horror in this tale. Set in his Hyperborea milleau, Zeiros is writing his tale with his left hand, since the right one has been taken during his adventure. Sneaking into a temple of Tsathoggua, the thief has his eyes set on stealing gems. Unfortunately for him, Tsathoggua, the giant bat-like Great old One, has some slimy offspring. The hand is eaten but the thief escapes. Here we do not have the home of a wizard but a temple of a monster-god.
“The Death of Malygris” (Weird Tales, April 1934) is another story of note. The wizard Malygris died in a previous tale, “The Last Incantation” (Weird Tales, June 1930) again before Conan. Maranapion and the other wizards have not heard from Malygris for decades and begin to think about acquiring his property. The brave enter only to find even in death Malygris is a better sorcerer than they. This reminds me of another story that predates all these, H. P. Lovecraft’s “The Terrible Old Man” (reprinted in Weird Tales, August 1926) where ruffians try to rob a seemingly weak, old man, only to be eaten by eldritch guardians.
Clifford Ball did his version in “The Thief of Forte” (Weird Tales, July 1937) The wizard Karlk and the swordsman Rald break & enter the royal palace to steal the crown jewels and the very throne. This time wizard accompanies barbarian rather than sending him on alone. Rald runs into his old flame, the Princess Thrine and the plot falls apart. The men are captured, tied up and await penalty. It is now that the swordsman finds out something about his wizardly companion, which will shock him and make him question his loyalties. (Read it!)
Henry Kuttner finished off the Weird Tales pack with Elak of Atlantis in “Spawn of Dagon” (Weird Tales, July 1938). This story is a kind of filler between the two epic halves of “Thunder in the Dawn” and “Dragon Moon” where Prince Zeulas, who goes by Elak, wins back his throne. During this intermediate period, Elak is making his living as a thief. Elak is hired by Gesti, a weird-looking fellow, to murder the wizard Zend and shatter a large red jewel in his tower. Elak goes to the tower and the very Howard plot unfolds but it turns out his employers are not upstanding guys (imagine that). They are a cult of Dagon who are trying to start the Cthulhu apocalypse by destroying the gem that holds back the monsters. Good thing Elak fails at his job. The Virgil Finlay illo shows the severed head that acts as an alarm system in the tower.
“Thieves’ House” (Unknown, February 1943)Â by Fritz Leiber has Fafhrd & Gray Mouser in their occupation as thieves go up against the powerful Thieves’ Guild. The duo are hired to break & enter the headquarters of the guild and steal a bejeweled skull and hands. They do the job, get double-crossed (see a theme here yet?) and all manner of action occurs including Gray Mouser disguising himself as a woman fortuneteller. Leiber begins with the chestnut then quickly turns it to his own purposes.
John Jakes had Brak the Barbarian break & enter in for “The Devils in the Walls” (Fantastic, May 1963). Once again, our proud barbarian is forced to do the job when Princess Miranda buys Brak from the slavers. She wants him to enter a haunted house of sorts to retrieve a treasure. Brak, wanting his freedom, goes into the ghostly domain of Hamur of a Thousand Claws and faces the ghost leopards and retrieves a handful of treasure before the whole place does a House of Usher and falls in. Miranda is not pleased with the results but can’t stop Brak from leaving.
“The Overworld” (Fantasy & Science Fiction, December 1965) by Jack Vance uses the break & enter wizard house deal to start off a new series set in the Dying Earth. The hero is Cugel the Clever is set to enter the manse of Iucouncu the Laughing Magician. Fianosther the merchant knows that Iucouncu will be at his stall where the vendor will delay him for hours. During this time, Cugel is to get inside the house and take as many magical delights as he can manage. The plan goes sideways when the Laughing Magician shows up and catches him. Thus Cugel enters the service of Iucouncu and the series is off to a great start.
Lin Carter had Thongor of Lemuria in cat burglary mode for “Thieves of Zangabal” (The Mighty Barbarians, 1969). Having written his Thongor novels, Carter back-tracked to fill in some gaps in the telling. This tale comes before the first novel. Thongor is in trouble, trying to escape the guards when an elderly figure shows up to rescue him. It is Kaman Thuu, who has a proposition for the barbarian. He wants Thongor to enter the tower of Athmar Thong and steal the black mirror. Using a secret passage he gains entry into the inner sanctum where he finds a girl. Being a horny barbarian he kisses her before she turns into a guardian monster that strangles him into unconsciousness. With the help of his new buddy, Ald Thurmis, they get a second shot at the guardian and Athmar Thong. Destroying the black mirror, they set Aqquoonkagua, prince of Hell on the wizard and flee.
Carter had used the idea earlier in Thongor of Lemuria (1965), when the barbarian entered the tower of Tsargol to steal the star stone. He gained entry by flying boat then had to face a horde of slorgs, women-headed snakes. The creatures subdue him. This time no hormones enter things as the slorgs are not attractive babes.
Roger Zelazny used the idea twice in his Dilvish the Damned series, first in “Tower of Ice” (Flashing Swords #5, 1981) then in the novel-length rendition in The Changing Land (1981). In both cases, he has Dilvish and his metal horse pal, Black, trying to find and kill the wizard Jelerak. These home invasions don’t feel like thievery since the heroes boldly approach the magical homes of Jelerak with intent to end him. Still, it is our Howardian trope morphing into a new form.
There you have them. The break & enter tales that would inspire every Neutral-Evil alignment party in AD&D to venture into a wizard’s realm for cash and carry.
